My Tweets

tacopissman
sweet summer bab
big boy looking to eat diapers

Change User

  • @neoliberal_dad every overdone leftist joke done in a single tweet, right down to the username(s) Mon Jan 20
  • this guy sucks! https://t.co/uAm9G131ek Sun Jan 19
  • i added one label to completely transform the meaning of this diagram https://t.co/42maxV7cB7 Sun Jan 19
  • tag yourself https://t.co/hneKSOVH3T Sun Jan 19
  • coming up with some ideas for new candidates https://t.co/hqZO9ReQgr Sat Jan 18
  • @CourtneySoliday joe rogan Sat Jan 18
  • https://t.co/1s6TeZJ1fi Sat Jan 18
  • don’t care, didn’t ask, plus i’m in the middle of breastfeeding my son Fri Jan 17
  • [clearly compensating for something] Hello! Fri Jan 17
  • this is funny as fuck if you pretend that they’re saluting https://t.co/eqUcw33IvX Fri Jan 17
  • https://t.co/q4AM973ICX Fri Jan 17
  • https://t.co/fmnScqs3TO Fri Jan 17
  • [on the phone] Yes can you spell that for me? Sure! 😊 D as in “double oh seven”, O as in “obama gay sex”, W as in… https://t.co/9Ca5hwVj83 Fri Jan 17
  • @sbvsbvsbv_ 😍 Fri Jan 17
  • @Hermit_Thrush the show should have to pay the taxes!!! this is BOGUS Thu Jan 16
  • @Hermit_Thrush I truly believe only very stupid people eat in caloric excess, with everything we so widely know tod… https://t.co/voB2kK1zrj Thu Jan 16
  • @Epistemachus @PascalLeroux @dpakman she was called a snake after she was a jerk Thu Jan 16
  • @PascalLeroux @dpakman then why is she being such a jerk about it Thu Jan 16
  • @spherical_ice @w0a0i0f https://t.co/A2nOgM4EPC Thu Jan 16
  • @Falcon61372336 @GideonResnick @NatashaBertrand he has been committed to ending corruption, worker’s rights, and st… https://t.co/WEDLK1WodI Thu Jan 16
  • @carriecoon who do you endorse for 2020 Thu Jan 16
  • @HughAndFree @mooncult if you were reading my tweets in that font i would block you too Wed Jan 15
  • @GregProops Greg Poops Wed Jan 15
  • @MikelS75 @MetroAllCity @Mikel_Jollett dang if only they had 4 years to propose a better system. trump lost the pop… https://t.co/s3CTOEDQkH Wed Jan 15
  • @MikelS75 @MetroAllCity @Mikel_Jollett maybe the democrats should propose a better voting system. there are several… https://t.co/h1ubzouUwq Wed Jan 15
  • @Hermit_Thrush bernie will let you continue your math education for free Wed Jan 15
  • thats a great suggestion thank you siri im never waking up early again https://t.co/tBrwZidKF6 Wed Jan 15
  • @carriecoon i'm in chicago and i would love to hang out some day Tue Jan 14
  • this has been the supplement/nootropic stack i have been following since the beginning of the year. i feel much bet… https://t.co/R2Cm5Z4o36 Tue Jan 14
  • saving money by cooking my own food and then wasting all that money by buying 3 bottles of apple juice at 2 dollars… https://t.co/9Qsd12Q0YX Tue Jan 14
  • @TulsiGabbard @BernieSanders https://t.co/zvTu5T8fCO Tue Jan 14
  • i’m drowning! someone give me mouth to ass!! Tue Jan 14
  • @DecayDOA @jseakle making cars isnt a creative endeavor. the ability to generate hundreds of creative outputs using… https://t.co/5kAThRxgAg Tue Jan 14
  • @_ElizabethEdits @ZeldaFan180 trump won Mon Jan 13
  • https://t.co/wnxjN9oKaJ Mon Jan 13
  • @PupfriendMatt absolutely crushed my fingers on this by resting my hand behind the seat part and rocking back Fri Jan 10
  • @Prince_Yoshi Penese Tue Jan 07
  • https://t.co/oRKilIIUgj 😭 Mon Jan 06
  • @Merdurinous pom pom is so good Sun Jan 05
  • https://t.co/ZDN4Avz2lA Sun Jan 05
  • @caitlinnoelle_ @MODE279 it’s sending me as well, Caitlin Fri Jan 03
  • (getting the spelling quirks for february and wednesday mixed up) Febnesary Fri Jan 03
  • @jamieleefinch why didnt you stop it 😢 Fri Jan 03
  • @chip_pringle @BlackProgressi3 @eclecticbrotha https://t.co/xGRUh4U2M6 🤤 Fri Jan 03
  • @lynnv378 @MauraLeeLang https://t.co/GoN0Ah6okz Fri Jan 03
  • @GregProops @costareports Greg Proops Fri Jan 03
  • @dancewmemontana 😊🙏 Thu Jan 02
  • @dancewmemontana one time i went to the bar at the grocery store and the bartender there asked me if i wanted extra foam in my beer Thu Jan 02
  • taking a long dramatic sip of an ice cold refreshing coca cola and pretending that i deserve the immense pleasure it brings me Thu Jan 02
  • @SaoirseBoglin @virgiltexas actually 😜 the pee pee poo poo 👂➰👈 get the fcuk out of here moon man 😂 Thu Jan 02
  • @bassin169 @benshapiro what is with the apostrophes Mon Dec 30
  • @CovfefeWife lol “covfefe wife” Mon Dec 30
  • a soy beard painted entirely from the blood of my victims, my open mouth shouts not for the Nintendo Switch itself,… https://t.co/4MCLgbbjFW Tue Dec 24
  • @toddteryeah azarath metrion zinthos!! https://t.co/RgQhODLniJ Tue Dec 24
  • i support same sex marriage. i also support lotsa sex marriage, doubly so! Mon Dec 23
  • @ChickHearnBern it is audience Mon Dec 23
  • i am now officially halfcel (post office was about to close) Mon Dec 23
  • @sasimons joining the 27 club? godspeed! Sun Dec 22
  • instead of Stand By Me its Stanned By Me and its about short kings and PoC women of size Sun Dec 22
  • hiding my old mcdonalds bag in my car so that the cute lady at the mcdonalds drive thru window doesnt know that i eat at mcdonalds Sun Dec 22
  • its reached the point that i am so hungry i physically cannot leave my bedroom, let alone prepare any food for myse… https://t.co/LWF29KENc4 Sat Dec 21
  • @This_Is_My_Stop @RAislinnRodgers @magi_jay @fantasiesdecay @TenaciousE5 in 2008? Fri Dec 20
  • first 10 chews of gum are the tits, heavenly perfection. the next 200 chews are terrible. but you gotta do em! Fri Dec 20
  • Early in his campaign, Yang developed a strong passion for Mario Kart Tour, stating “it was as if my addiction was… https://t.co/nZV3NUu1F7 Fri Dec 20
  • @nickmullen it’s just Potbelly not Potbelly’s Fri Dec 20
  • @mafeux @NintendoFanGirl @JoshGrilli this thread belongs in a museum Fri Dec 20
  • someone i didnt know i follow replying to a "sco pa tu manaa" that just has a picture of a pretzel and theyre sayin… https://t.co/QtyItMyKHJ Thu Dec 19
  • @robrousseau people only follow you cause they think youre lin manuel miranda from the profile picture Thu Dec 19
  • hey bro did you get a new phone? i must have your old number because you havent replied to the last 225,373 texts i’ve sent Thu Dec 19
  • the penis suckers (stylized as ‘penißuckers’) Thu Dec 19
  • eSex for short Wed Dec 18
  • i just ingested .00176 pounds of ibuprofen Tue Dec 17
  • people with the last name DeAngelo really thought they fooled us with the capital A. bro we know your name is Dean Jello Tue Dec 17
  • RT @tacopissman: yea i pee sitting down... into your mom's ASS!!! Tue Dec 17
  • six of my previous sons have died so my newest son’s life insurance premium is insanely high. Pete Buttigieg intends to change that. Mon Dec 16
  • can you pull off a corduroy jacket? can you pull off corduroy pants? you can pull off my corduroy pants, and jacket… https://t.co/02LMtNmUz6 Mon Dec 16
  • spicing up my Monday morning by dropping a Werther’s in the Decaf 😋 Mon Dec 16
  • @bigdicklick666 im BUSSSTIN ‘eeah Mon Dec 16
  • @Hermit_Thrush @getfiscal andrew yang is Sun Dec 15
  • doctor diagnosed me with diarrhea but didnt recommend any treatment options so im eatin tortilla and suckin on coin… https://t.co/OPUWEJ0H60 Sat Dec 14
  • gettin one of these installed in the man cave https://t.co/F1TmvqvRIx Sat Dec 14
  • @Ghostbusters what if we kissed under the table that we remembered dying under that one summer 😳 Sat Dec 14
  • RT @MyAmericaPosts: 🚨 NEW #CONTENT 🚨 - “Remember that summer we died under a table?”–classic... “Remember that summer we died under a tab… Sat Dec 14
  • @Hermit_Thrush remember that summer we died hiding under a table? Sat Dec 14
  • currently lying on the couch, Cooning (searching for film and television shows featuring the actress Carrie Coon) Sat Dec 14
  • @totallynotabird @but_rly_tho @willmenaker remaining allies with a group that shares your goals in a democracy isnt “weird” Thu Dec 12
  • @but_rly_tho @willmenaker https://t.co/9m0GLyKEiD well? Thu Dec 12
  • @sasimons this was cute though Tue Dec 10
  • @EveryDNA you can buy a salad glove, you can buy an ipod. and you can sell that shit to Bookmans when your wife dies and you lose your job Mon Dec 09
  • @Prince_Yoshi Penese Sun Dec 08
  • how long does it take for pee to stop smelling like asparagus? i gotta big date tonight!! Sun Dec 08
  • this is my favorite anime/manga https://t.co/26hvLReXH0 Sun Dec 08
  • @Hermit_Thrush vocaroo Fri Dec 06
  • one of my favorite compositions https://t.co/H9aU9LdRoL Wed Nov 27
  • @siteprotagonist marble columns Wed Nov 27
  • i dont wear shoes inside the house so that i can show off my lipstick stained feet Mon Nov 25
  • @spboc_h7 白い星の空が大好き! あなたは素晴らしいです! Spotifyであなたの音楽をたくさん聴きました。 今夜、私は13の「Lemondo」を飲んで、もう一度聞きます。 素晴らしいコンサート! シカゴから Sun Nov 24
  • @Burst_Blue_band こんにちは! 私はシカゴ出身です。 高円寺高であなたの音楽が大好き! 悪い日本語でごめんなさい。 Sun Nov 24
  • 506,431,864,290,934,795. thats the amount of times i haven’t had sex. Sun Nov 24
  • @jweisber Descartes: 2 Leibniz: 3 Locke: 1 Hume: 0 Kant: 1 Hegel: 1 Mill: 5 Frege: 2 Russell: 2 Wittgenstein: 0 Sat Nov 23
  • iFunny stands for intellectually funny Fri Nov 22
  • caught having sex with the titular “crood” Fri Nov 22
  • @carriecoon who do you support for 2020 Wed Nov 20
  • @julianal0l depression shower is a tautology Tue Nov 19
  • i’m messaging my friend to get the tea on his recent familicide, but he wont reply. hope he’s ok. Mon Nov 18
  • hats off to you, m’lord. shall we engage in some delightful g’sex on this fine evening? and if so, from whence? awaiting your reply sire Mon Nov 18
  • anyone else get a sick pleasure out of wearing glasses? its like i can see things perfectly clearly, and more realistic Fri Nov 15
  • mistyped when going to BigSexySluts and ended up on BigSexySlurs .com — Not the words i wanted to see tonight, and definitely not sexy!! Fri Nov 15
  • @pr0spector88 cant tell if this joe rogan episode is too quiet, or the jets in my jacuzzi are too loud Wed Nov 13
  • @jonatan_nilsson @GarlicCorgi never heard of “q prank” Wed Nov 13
  • @GarlicCorgi https://t.co/HAyk8nkqI5 its fake Wed Nov 13
  • @msheretohelp https://t.co/e3vAatUCOQ thoughts on this? @arielxpink is a hero for this Mon Nov 11
  • halve sev intcel Mon Nov 11
  • letting my clogged toilet steep for many moons, until it finally decomposes enough to flush automatically. the natural order. Sun Nov 10
  • @PAMVLLO @BigCti does this count https://t.co/SRU5C48rW5 Sat Nov 09
  • glad firefox has my back https://t.co/8LfbwRZ39o Sat Nov 09
  • @nickturani @ssshhheeeiiittt the sun can fly Fri Nov 08
  • @FellasBot @tinysubversions Mon Nov 04
  • Hans Zimmer got sued for Trying to do 23 and me on a chicken nugget. The results came back positive for LSD and the… https://t.co/FTPHYjZU3Q Sun Nov 03
  • @fatnudes @sheckyyoungman “enforce” lol... enjoy your toxoplasmosis😏 Sun Nov 03
  • @christinoflores @matchu_chutrain the first two arent photoshopped Sat Nov 02
  • RT @honogomon: responding to political discussion with a quiet chuckle and mumbling "if only that were true" Sat Nov 02
  • yea i pee sitting down... into your mom's ASS!!! Sat Nov 02
  • Coil - The Ape of Naples https://t.co/oyg1O1lXSf Fri Nov 01
  • i want to kiss the wife from Andrew Yang Presidential Campaign 2020 Fri Nov 01
  • welcome to heaven, where the average is 4” Fri Nov 01
  • [psycho voice] these tattoos? yea im crazy.. i lost my mind. i am twisted... i’m like uh... Bowser... yea from mario Thu Oct 31
  • fan death suicide attempt Wed Oct 30
  • @allahliker lol based on one retweet of a really common quote Mon Oct 28
  • john darnielle disavowing jeff and cyrus becuase their band name idea “the hospital bombers” is too insensitive Mon Oct 28
  • (incredibly sarcastic) oh i’m sorry!! did my diarrhea jeans offend you? Mon Oct 28
  • goin as the bang energy drink guy for halloween https://t.co/M4lt64z8RM Sat Oct 26
  • @cholerahaver @ByYourLogic your gay Fri Oct 25
  • i hate it when my round son wears cumjeans for his assbelly Thu Oct 24
  • @SalamanderFist frog :) Thu Oct 24
  • never zip up your pants so that your fly is all tightly closed, it looks desperate. keep it loose, 90% zip is fine, more casual. Wed Oct 23
  • @mooncult i’m talking about you 🤣 Wed Oct 23
  • @mooncult it's cool to watch the plebs get filtered out in real time Tue Oct 22
  • @batmeme @Hermit_Thrush yea i get it like once a month and its always a good time Sun Oct 20
  • @Hermit_Thrush it’s harmless Sun Oct 20
  • after a long run nothing is more refreshing than a ice cold blue gatorade. except hookah Thu Oct 17
  • @bigdicklick666 please Wed Oct 16
  • @pr0spector88 p0dcaster88 Wed Oct 16
  • Who Would Win (2019): My Longest Turd vs. My Darkest Piss Mon Oct 14
  • @nobodymovepal it was still a pretty good movie Sun Oct 13
  • @gorillahole if its the” best smell” i would pay 3 dollars Thu Oct 10
  • @gorillahole @johnny_666_ i usually get my bars of soap at whole foods so i’ll check next time mine dies Thu Oct 10
  • @gorillahole @johnny_666_ where can ah buy it Thu Oct 10
  • @spherical_ice that isnt bottled Thu Oct 10
  • getting addicted to bottled sweet tea was the best 6 years of my life Thu Oct 10
  • Me, 19. Not a photoshopped pic, ricecel chinlet. more pics in comments https://t.co/02eNjSMA1l Wed Oct 09
  • havin a blast with Inktober 2019 😊 #inktober prompts were kinda weird this year 🤣😜 https://t.co/EmIzN8qygY Wed Oct 09
  • RT @commieblock: the year is 2033. I spend several hours trying to figure out the 8 letter word in level 60476 of wordscapes only to realis… Tue Oct 08
  • i... what?! what?! what?! shut the fuck up. i dont “eat poo” . i don’t like poo either. shut up. Mon Oct 07
  • @msheretohelp @elonmusk @Grimezsz youre a legend for this. the truth will come out in time Sun Oct 06
  • from the makers of Boko Haram, it's Huel Chocolate Fri Oct 04
  • from the makers of Soylent, it’s Jīz Fri Oct 04
  • free sex is slavery Fri Oct 04
  • on the plane flyin first class pissin in the barf bag Fri Oct 04
  • @TympyTymp and the guys that wore them are still wearing em Fri Oct 04
  • what if we pronounced clipboard the same way we pronounce cupboard? clibburd. lol clibburd Thu Oct 03
  • you guys really pee in public bathrooms where another man is taking a shit? i am not gay Thu Oct 03
  • @w0a0i0f https://t.co/KW16SZeazc Wed Oct 02
  • https://t.co/VCCQT6wgGH Wed Oct 02
  • Turning on auto-capitalization and spellcheck on my iPhone to let my friends/family know I have finally lost it Wed Oct 02
  • the hitmons from pokemon are named after Bruce Lee, fighter, Jackie Chan, fighter, and Geoffrey Top, jihadi terrori… https://t.co/60zOT0plOL Tue Oct 01
  • Hitmon Weston Chandler Mon Sep 30
  • @Nectaronice @samtripoli that sounds delicious Sun Sep 29
  • @darth_muhammad @emrazz i miss these guys Sat Sep 28
  • me making my 12 oz of gamer girl pee last the entire year https://t.co/r61LcDpvQT Thu Sep 26
  • having Sex is rare if not fucking illegal Mon Sep 23
  • @beccastokes what is that supposed to mean Sun Sep 22
  • @beccastokes In 2014 he was named "Philly's Funniest" by the Helium comedy club. I was mugged and robbed about a bl… https://t.co/0CUiT7y7Ke Sun Sep 22
  • they dont do circumcision in the uk, but the queen still technically owns the foreskin of every male born on british land Sun Sep 22
  • @chixculube you shoulda mouth breathed like prospector that dude is so fuckin funny Sun Sep 22
  • when you piss from height https://t.co/ypH6xgC5vb Sat Sep 21
  • @nickmullen https://t.co/V2dzMXIzrM Sat Sep 21
  • @fakecane @vyvansegremlin @scrowfunk @nickmullen @pr0spector88 man you gotta give more proof than that im crying Fri Sep 20
  • @CoalPowers @Hermit_Thrush implying that works, my finger still smells Fri Sep 20
  • “aMeRiCaNs CaNt HaVe SeX” First of all, we can, we just choose not to, but that’s not the point. Thu Sep 19
  • @_Ravtastic_ @cuccubus @asbestoslover @SarahCorradi face it. you got destroyed. Thu Sep 19
  • @DankJudiDench @SPORTSGREASE @jeremywins @jeremypgordon @knguyen @bobbyleelive Lol Thu Sep 19
  • @GeboskiGregory @onesarahjones @AngryBlackLady lol dont blame ranked choice. if 51% didnt want bernie then he shouldnt have won. simple as Tue Sep 17
  • @SeasonedJawns2 https://t.co/8T33fuFAR3 Tue Sep 17
  • @chixculube study hard. the union toilets are really low which allows for lower pelvic floor while shitting. https://t.co/P3u5QFGkf0 Sun Sep 15
  • @chixculube lol i went to uiuc Sun Sep 15
  • @sasimons https://t.co/9VUSZd2NIO Sun Sep 15
  • @Krazygioo one motherfucker did this at the fair in town. He leaned back too far and rippen through that canvas cei… https://t.co/yGTnNQpv4h Sun Sep 15
  • out of mobile data for the month, but still determined, i post hateful youtube comments while driving, hopping from… https://t.co/ddXBsi14CZ Sat Sep 14
  • @JeffHunking he is a frog? Sat Sep 14
  • @Discarded_Trash hehe frog Sat Sep 14
  • @Iguana152588 hehe frog Sat Sep 14
  • @landpsychology hehe frog Sat Sep 14
  • @gethuel @diplomatsdigest @AmysKitchen hope she sees this Sat Sep 14
  • what does my dick-smell have to do with anything? how is that relevant? this is supposed to be a job interview!! Thu Sep 12
  • horror movies are fun. love roller coasters. been sky diving. scared of sex. Thu Sep 12
  • i’m feeling very sucked off today Fri Sep 06
  • it’s so funny how when you look in a mirror there is some bastard ugly gimp boy who lives in there and mimics your… https://t.co/WiLy5xzMA9 Thu Sep 05
  • @Hermit_Thrush Bonersack Wed Sep 04

Note: Twitter limits the number of tweets returned to 3,200.