My Tweets

flugelbinder01
Michael Green
Mostly tired. Sometimes wired.

Change User

  • Rudeness is a weak person’s imitation of strength. Sun Jul 05
  • Curiosity will save the world. Wed Jun 17
  • @j37hr0 @nangbaby @IamtheRealZMan @Shawn_Admire @Gibbie69 Urgh, not him. Sat May 16
  • Stepmom porn is basically a coming-of-age film Sun May 03
  • Errand Brockovich Tue Apr 14
  • https://t.co/6pFAUTnvAs Mon Apr 13
  • Okay, CEO's of companies can really stop emailing me now. Thanks. Thu Mar 26
  • Gotta say I think Eric Dier took it too far this week protecting his brother. https://t.co/UwBiJEH7GI Sun Mar 08
  • Rainfall is just water applause Sat Feb 15
  • I am a cis male Fri Jan 31
  • @m_salmon Jon Champion. 5live had a podcast on it this week if you're interested. Sat Jan 25
  • Me in 2020 - “Have you seen [amazing tv series or movie]?” Everyone else - “Is it on Netflix?” Tue Jan 21
  • @baddestmamajama Shadowrun would be amazing if done right. You mean the SNES version I hope? Tue Dec 24
  • 'Hyperbole' doesn't even belong in the dictionary Mon Dec 02
  • It was about a year ago I was denied entry into an exclusive Tokyo art gallery. Only later did I think how great it… https://t.co/yk4w5e6Gj1 Fri Nov 08
  • Prince Harry is Bruce Wayne, right? Fri Oct 04
  • radiator 91 FM bee bee cee radio two Mon Jun 10
  • I have an irrational fear of being photographed inside my house watching the TV as I flick channels and the photo l… https://t.co/tcVWrZmc6C Tue Jun 04
  • @Terrynotary Terry! Loved your performance in The Square. I just made a video about it. It's stream of consciousnes… https://t.co/58EvaREBpg Mon Jun 03
  • @SquareTheFilm I wrote and made a stream of consciousness/video essay about The Square, called 'What is Art?' I'd l… https://t.co/aW1qyNDvlE Mon Jun 03
  • @agnetaperman I made a thing! https://t.co/0A9Ti2SaLA The Square - What is Art? Might be something you'd like? Love… https://t.co/hzu4w4otRb Mon Jun 03
  • @eskapaden I made a thing! You might like it: https://t.co/0A9Ti2SaLA The Square - What is Art? (love the movie) Mon Jun 03
  • I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s chateaux. Sat May 11
  • Social media is a communication tool, it is not a connection tool. Fri May 03
  • @edgarwright I made this Scott Pilgrim video (hate the word 'mash-up' but it kinda is) and I guess you might like t… https://t.co/MlsJVA9D5x Wed Mar 27
  • Maybe the reason Michael Myers keeps coming back is because he's Jesus Sat Feb 23
  • Whoomp, where is it? Fri Jan 25
  • Pretty sure Stanley Xubrick faked this new moon landing Thu Jan 03
  • Please DM me all your 2018 retrospectives and hopes for the next 12 months. I'm totally, utterly curious. Tue Jan 01
  • Tis the season, so be sure to congratulate everyone on their Funko Pop collection Thu Nov 22
  • At some point I should probably stop keeping the lids of Petit Filous. Tue Sep 25
  • @hollybaddeley Totally. They were wearing the same clothes! Wed Sep 05
  • Do you ever feel like your call of the void thoughts have caused that stubbed toe or banged elbow? Tue Sep 04
  • My first autobiography would be called, "Am I bothering you?" And my second would be called, "I am bothering you." Sat Aug 25
  • Kind of proud that my review of Star City is the highest rated/viewed or whatever. Thu Aug 16
  • Look at all of these small words Tue Aug 14
  • Remember in the 90s how every British comedy was trying to hilariously explain the offside rule? Tue Aug 14
  • Has anyone ever edited Craig David's "Seven days" into the scary voice on the end of the phone in The Ring? Fri Aug 10
  • You know there has to be a guy on Twitter that brags about looking like Dave Franco. Sat Jul 28
  • My dad asked me today what indie music was. Honestly, I didn't have an answer. Thu Jul 05
  • You can't spell Skyscraper without, 'crap.' Mon Jul 02
  • No Hay Banda! Mon Jul 02
  • I really hope God saves the queen. Sat Jun 30
  • A school near me has a banner: 'Learn Today, Lead Tomorrow.' Mine would be, 'Let's be Realistic.' Thu Jun 21
  • Wondering how I block people from reposting tweets from others with my full name, as any narcissist would... Fri Jun 08
  • A girl with dreadlocks means she's looking to settle down Sat May 26
  • Yellow man in Timbuktu. Fri Apr 27
  • Mom: "You don't know who Mary Magdalene is!? 'Jesus's mother!'" Sat Apr 07
  • I know you check my twitter. Tue Apr 03
  • What if Owen Wilson is just another character from Bo Selecta? Fri Mar 16
  • Would you like an advice slip with your life? Mon Feb 26
  • As Bill Murray said: "It's February 2nd." Fri Feb 02
  • Saying you wear 'eyeglasses' is fine, if we're also allowing 'feetshoes.' Sat Jan 20
  • Going to something called, 'Christmas at the Movies' today. I hope the encore is entirely sequels. Fri Dec 22
  • Kevin Spacey touched me #AmericanBeauty #GreatMovie Sun Nov 05
  • Oh my clocks we're back again Sun Oct 29
  • Ad Exec in 2017: (on phone) Hi, is this James Corden? Corden: I'll do it! Sat Aug 05
  • What's Hanson's favourite football player? MMMbappé Sun Jul 30
  • The characters in soap operas are the type of people that watch soap operas. Mon May 29
  • "People of the world do not look at themselves, and so they blame one another." Wed May 17
  • Already looking forward to American Crime Story: Trump Sat May 13
  • The answer is within the question. Wed Apr 19
  • The Phoenix Suns are the Dolph Ziggler of the NBA Tue Apr 04
  • DAVE Franco?? Tue Mar 14
  • Bad film idea: 'Black and White.' It's about race relations, and because it's shot in black and white, it's like a metaphor or something. Sat Feb 18
  • Count to a thousand before you sleep in bed. Read the news, pass the time. Drink the juice, feeling fine. Sun Feb 05
  • I was such a little shit to my sister when Mr Blobby beat Take That to Christmas number one. Sat Jan 21
  • A picture is worth a thousand words, but a still of a live video is worth ten thousand 'likes.' Sat Jan 21
  • Time to roll up the sleeves and keep my arms cooler. Sat Jan 14
  • What kind of savage leaves the sticker on the Imperial Leather? Mon Dec 26
  • I miss Christmas when my mom understood me. jk she never has. Sat Dec 24
  • If the motto for the bangbus isn't, "Just show me how to get off," it's truly a missed opportunity. Wed Dec 21
  • The anxiety of going into a store, looking around, and walking out without buying anything, worrying the staff thought you stole something. Wed Dec 21
  • I think we're all a little Gueye for Everton Sun Nov 27
  • People who put their Christmas tree up in November are the same people that wanted a third series of The Office Sun Nov 20
  • Is there such a thing as a butt that does quit? Thu Nov 17
  • Storytellers don't run out of stories, they just run out of time. Wed Nov 09
  • Congratulations, Mr. Garrison. Wed Nov 09
  • Alec Baldwin worried he's locked into SNL for another 4 years. Wed Nov 09
  • Think the woman on the news just said, "guessterday." Wed Nov 09
  • Just had a balloon race. Too competitive to not lose. The losers are a bit deflated. Sat Nov 05
  • TOYNBEE IDEA IN MOViE 2001 RESURRECT DEAD ON PLANET JUPITER Tue Oct 18
  • Something tells me there are more "swear jars" in movies than in actual life. Tue Oct 11
  • Hashtags are still ridiculous. Tue Oct 11
  • Slovakia/Slovenia are like ketchup/catsup to me. Fri Sep 02
  • When the world rejects you, you reject the world. Fri Aug 26
  • I don't know what a humblebrag is, but if I did I'm fairly sure I'd be pretty great at it. Tue Aug 23
  • "Because, 'fuck you!,' that's why!" - motto of London. Thu Aug 18
  • Nothing lasts forev Wed Aug 17
  • Don't know what kids judge status on these days, but I'd bet it's not having the most gears on your mountain bike Sat Aug 06
  • Pretty sure I could coach this USA basketball team and they'd still pick up the gold Sat Aug 06
  • People banging doors every 3 seconds in my house like a T-Rex is slowly approaching. Thu Jul 21
  • My name's Forrest Trump. People call me Forrest Trump. Tue Jul 19
  • @johnteti PLEASE write your Six Feet Under season 5 analysis soon? Everyone's waiting... Mon Jul 04
  • 'If everyone was like us, we'd all be fine!' Sat Jun 25
  • Decided that I'm voting for the side that has the less hysterical people backing it. Sat Jun 04
  • The brain named itself. Mon May 30
  • Sometimes when football managers are fired, I'm reminded of when I would lose on Fifa and turn the machine off before it autosaved the game Sun May 22
  • If you ever made it to the end of Six Feet Under, you should know exactly how I'm feeling right now. Sat May 14
  • No flipping. Fri Mar 25
  • "The mormon the merrier" - finally got to use this today, when a mormon friend of mine invited me out with her friends. Life goals. Thu Mar 24
  • In our youth, my friends and I would walk past the Games Workshop and mock all the nerds inside, then go back to mine and play Mario Kart Sat Mar 19
  • Paul Daniels had a twin, right? Best magic trick ever coming up. Thu Mar 17
  • Sigh. This world. All this greed, corruption and superheroes fighting superheroes. Can't we all just get along? Sat Mar 12
  • I have a mom that takes issue with sci-fi movies. "It was a bit far fetched." Thu Mar 10
  • @minidriver1 if you have no luck, ask https://t.co/NrTaaIsDVW - there seems to be people asking about species there Tue Mar 08
  • Somewhere in California an unattended tap is running. Fri Mar 04
  • Consider the lily. Wed Feb 17
  • The dryer makes the same noise, whether I use it, or you use it. Mon Feb 15
  • Gravity depravity. Fri Feb 12
  • @MARKOPOLO100 Glad I'm not the only one who thought the same! Sun Jan 31
  • I'm not going to meet someone at Sainsbury's am I? Got many layers on, looking like fat Monica. Thu Jan 21
  • Cats don't look at themselves in the mirror because they're ashamed of who they are Sun Jan 10
  • My favourite bad movie is on tv. Halloween 8 with Busta Rhymes. "Trick or treat, MOTHERFUCKER!" Sun Jan 10
  • Mr. Penalty Sat Jan 09
  • Don't forget to live, laugh and love today. Sat Dec 19
  • Just fit a Nik Kershaw reference into my screenplay. It's a fantasy adventure movie for kids. I've never been so proud. Thu Dec 03
  • You mean Iron Man and Captain America aren't friends any more?... Oh no. Wed Nov 25
  • "Be nice when it's finished." You know where I am. Fri Nov 20
  • It really bugs me in movies and tv shows when a character washes and dries their hands in 4 or 5 seconds Tue Oct 27
  • I'm jewbious of people who think Jesus was real Mon Oct 19
  • I can't tell if you're kidding or being foreign. Sun Oct 18
  • Don't bother indicating, I'll just read your mind. Tue Oct 13
  • Looking at the moon, wondering if I'm colourblind Mon Sep 28
  • Population copulation Thu Sep 17
  • @LewisAEA Also I'm close with Rachel Wood from NFTS and have a feature made. What's brummie for "holler if you wanna read something"? Wed Sep 09
  • @LewisAEA Met Phil Barber at a wedding and he told me to contact you? There may have been alcohol involved. I'm a writer from Bham. Tue Sep 08
  • RT @rosemcgowan: Thank you for being the kindest man, the gentlest man, and one of the smartest men I've known. Please say there's a plot t… Mon Aug 31
  • Cut Casper. That's a wrap :( Mon Aug 31
  • Am I getting bigger, or are green recycling bins getting smaller? Fri Aug 28
  • Receptionist at dentists legitimately booked me in for appointment at 2.30. I was mature and of course didn't laugh. Mon Aug 17
  • Watched Blue is the Warmest Colour last night. Adèle Exarchopoulos has one of the best performances I've ever seen on film. Sat Jul 25
  • @SassyStephie Look for me in the crowd! I'm the luminous yellow dot Thu Jul 23
  • The girl group Eternal are still going, right? Thu Jul 09
  • Why is everyone being mean to Raheem Sterling? He's sick at home nursing chickenpox Thu Jul 09
  • "Are we there yet?" - Jesus Tue Jul 07
  • Obie Trice. Real name, no gimmicks Tue Jul 07
  • @thatleeburton http://t.co/nkLFzWHlSn bro! Thu Jun 25
  • "Social media" mentions on the news is like fingers down a chalkboard for me Wed Jun 10
  • My favourite part of the David Hasselhoff/Kung Fury song is when he rhymes 'time' with 'time.' Tue Jun 09
  • Video games a couple thousand years ago weren't all that great until Jesus died for our Sims Wed May 27
  • Aw, Anne Haney died? :( .... on May 26, 2001 Wed May 13
  • After reading the tweet, pretty sure Rowling was jk Sat May 09
  • Anyone got the Videoplus number for MOTD? Sat May 09
  • Hi, my name is Stereo Mike Fri May 08
  • Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole. Fri May 08
  • I'm voting for Dukakis Thu May 07
  • Touchéd by God Tue May 05
  • Teddy Long just changed Mayweather/Pac into a tag team match Fri May 01
  • I hate predictive sext Fri May 01
  • "Hi Jay-Z, this is Linkin Park. We wrote you but you still ain't calling." Fri May 01
  • Long live milk Thu Apr 30
  • There's no 'I' in 'meme.' Mon Apr 20
  • Today I forgot how to do maths Wed Apr 15
  • @Maffewgregg BJ RODDY PIPER! Tue Apr 14
  • I think I've seen all of Jason Reitman's films on a plane Sun Mar 15
  • Enjoying the highlights of the UFC main event Sun Mar 01
  • If I could have one wish, it would be that cats followed the Green Cross Code Sat Feb 28
  • I put the cute in electrocute Sat Feb 28
  • Feel a bit deflated after all that Mon Feb 02
  • I put the I in teiam Fri Jan 30
  • If my grandma were alive, I'm sure I could convince her to call my birthday her, "granniversary." Tue Jan 13
  • Anyone got any solid advice to get their parents to stop using emojis? Wed Jan 07
  • This is the year people won't shut up about BTTF pt 2. Sigh. Thu Jan 01
  • That new Dwayne Johnson movie looks like a disaster! Wed Dec 10
  • Carb Your Enthusiasm Fri Dec 05
  • Just Googled, "11 year old," for story purposes. Feel like I may now be on a most wanted list. Fri Nov 28
  • Is there no ent to my talent? Tue Nov 25
  • Y'know, if you think about it, Fri Nov 21
  • @hollybaddeley Marry me? Sat Nov 08
  • "Shake it off" - said now by many people who don't want to combat their actual problems. Nice one, Taylor. Sat Oct 25
  • Before I die, we gotta get Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson in a movie together Wed Oct 22
  • They should re-categorise house spiders, because we shouldn't make them feel like they're welcome Tue Oct 14
  • Why do they need sticks, can't they kick it with their feet? Fri Oct 10
  • Two guys singing, "Dumb!" in the iPhone 6 commercial... Thu Oct 09
  • Years later, I believe I was hypnotised into buying Avatar on blu ray Fri Sep 26
  • Last tweet obviously a quote from Gene Simmons. Sun Sep 07
  • Sometimes, I guess there just aren't enough rocks. Sun Sep 07
  • Selfie of me wearing a t-shirt saying, "I'm a big deal," with plate of food neatly prepared behind me. Only then will I feel accepted. Fri Aug 29
  • .@donuts Less sugar, more jam Sun Aug 24
  • @starscream007 @blastthedoorkid @m_salmon @badiwad Star Wars Quiz-Off? Sun Aug 24
  • Really excited for the Ice Bucket Challenge recap on The Big Fat Quiz of the Year Sun Aug 24
  • If I did the ice bucket challenge I would nominate Richey Edwards. Wed Aug 20
  • @m_salmon If it's, "Thanks for my Dad for coming. Without him I wouldn't be here" I'm already taking it. Thu Aug 14
  • Did I-Di-Di Did I stutter? Wed Aug 13
  • @paulcoro Thank you so much for the reply/awesome knowledge! Wed Aug 13
  • @paulcoro For someone planning a trip overseas, do you know if the schedule is completely written in stone now? Wed Aug 13
  • Nothing quite says, 'shotgun wedding' than a hula hoop wedding ring Thu Aug 07
  • Who has the best answerphone message ever? That would be me. Fri Aug 01
  • Would everyone ahead of me in every queue forever please know what the fuck they want Tue Jul 15
  • "England lost two games at the World Cup," he said. "I know" I replied. "And they only drew to Costa Rica," he continued. Good point." Tue Jul 08
  • @m_salmon The internet was made for this Tue Jul 08
  • Romelu wasn't built in a day Sun Jul 06
  • @blastthedoorkid You'll facepalm when you see your typo Fri Jul 04
  • 7/4 - My reverse birthday Fri Jul 04
  • @m_salmon Yes, buuuuut. Ealing. But I'd be happy to move if we had a driveway, decent internet and a big freezer. I hate central, though. Tue Jul 01
  • @m_salmon Pick me, pick me! Tue Jul 01
  • @blastthedoorkid Haters gonna hate Thu Jun 26
  • @m_salmon You're just like all the other negative haters! jk. They drifted from the player, to a random guy they saw in their hotel lobby Thu Jun 26
  • @m_salmon They were talking about a random guy, not the footballer. That was my favourite line of the 1st half! Thu Jun 26

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